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about

these are songs about coming and going, belonging and being home.
recorded in various bedrooms throughout the summer of 2012.

credits

released October 5, 2012

house to myself records
housetomyself.bandcamp.com

songs by david hagen
drums by sean mangen

tags

license

Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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about

anika's basement show Tucson, Arizona

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Track Name: i will come alive
i've been looking for something i can't find
i've been hoping that i will come alive
i've been looking for something all this time
i've grown tired of feeding myself lies

i've been thinking there's something on my mind
i've been hanging from far too long a line
i've been looking for something all my life
i've been looking for something all my life

i've been looking for something i can't find
i've been hoping that i will come alive
i've been hanging for far too long a time
i've been waiting for something all my life
Track Name: (no) southern gentleman
i don't even see what's wrong with it
if it keeps me safe
what's a few goddamn people
i can't appreciate

you know why i'm going so fast
cause i know where i'm going
i say with a red face
forget to hit the brakes

i don't pray to god before i sleep
And i curse every time i speak
no you're not wiser than me
no you're not stronger than me

i don't pray to god before i sleep
(no southern gentleman)
and i curse every time i speak
(no southern gentleman)
no you're not wiser than me
(no southern gentleman)
no you're not stronger than me
Track Name: sorry not sorry
it's been a hard fucking day
i'm not sorry for being gay
i'm not sorry for the things i say
it's just been a hard fucking day

i don't give a shit about you
or anything you want me to do
and if you ever let me get married
well don't worry it won't be to you

i know you've been reading your bible
i know you think it's moral law
and I know you think that i'm different
well fuck yeah i'm not like you at all
and if your 21 year old mistress
can get fake tits then so can i
and if your 21 year old mistress
can suck dick then so can i

it's been a hard fucking day
i'm not sorry for being gay
i'm not sorry for the things i say
i'm not sorry for being gay
i'm not sorry for the things i say
you're just an ignorant
homophobic sonofabitch asshole today
Track Name: sleepy eyes
sometimes when i ride my bike i like to see
people in the houses and the trees
waiting in the front yard, watching over me

sometimes when i drive my car i think i'll be
making my life into my dreams
but i can't be waiting for that to become reality

i've been living every day the same
wishing all my debts could be paid
now it's time to let old ways fade
and forgive myself for mistakes i've made
forgive myself for mistakes i've made

sometimes when i wear my old clothes i feel
like the same man in a different year
but i know i'm doing better
i know i'm feeling better my dear

sometimes when i cut off my hair
and there's nothing left about which i care
except your sleepy eyes in the morning
your sleepy eyes in the morning that let me know
that let me know myself i can bear
myself i can bear
myself i can bear
it's your sleepy eyes in the morning that let me know
that let me know myself i can bear

sometimes when i ride my bike i like to see
the people in the houses and the trees
waiting in the front yard, watching over me
Track Name: cash makes the line go faster
cash makes the line go faster
all your friends are bastards

to evolve and grow, to change
to stimulate and be stimulated

cash makes the line go faster
all your friends are bastards
Track Name: mr. salt & pepper
salt and pepper hair, he's got his tie to wear
spends his whole damn life trying to be a millionaire
drives a real nice car, vacations in del mar
buys his kid a pony so she can feel like a star
he likes to sleep with a lady whose name is not katie
cause that's the name of his wife and he hasn't been touching her lately
he's gonna vote for mitt romney cause obama's a commy
or so he thinks but I think his thoughts are folly

he never says he is sorry, he never shows up tardy
when he goes to weekly meetings to support the tea party
he thinks guantanamo would be a pretty cool place to go
to teach some dirty muslims they can't just show up
in the united states and expect any fate
different than a death sentence and not a moment to late
cause there's gonna be a fight from anyone whose not white
and he's so sure cause he's got a college degree in being an asshole

and if you're gay you'd better get out of his way
cause him and his jesus don't have the time of day
to consider you're a human being with eyes for seing
and a heart for loving, and a voice for singing
about the chatter of your soul when your heart's being shattered
so what if you like men or women, why the fuck does it even matter?
his explanation is that two men or even two women then again
can't raise a baby but divorced heteros can
well he's wrong, well he's wrong, he's wrong
cause I've got straight parents and I'm fucked
Track Name: ode to pat the bunny
one hundred and eighty two days have gone by
but not one i haven't felt like i could die
i never knew that six months could be
such a long long time
pat the bunny told me to hold on for my life
to keep fighting and loving and to hold my head high
and i cried
i listened to him sing and ran my ass down the street
till i couldn't be held up by my weak little feet anymore

and i told myself
when i dream i go to places that aren't real
and every time i breathe now
every breath I take I steal

so on that night i promised myself
to put this habit high on the top shelf, out of reach
but it's still there in the back of my mind
it's still there, still there pestering me
one hundred and eighty two days have gone by
and maybe i don't really want to die
i've made it one hundred and eighty two days
so bring on one hundred and eighty two more

because i know my heart is a
muscle the size of my fist
capable of enough strength
to fight it's way through all of this
and now when i dream i
see things that i know are real
and when i breathe now
to take a breath i don't need
i dont need to steal
Track Name: i'd be a fucking mess without you
i'd be a fucking mess without you
i think i would've turned out different
but say hey to myself in the future
i hope he's doing better
i hope he's been good to you
i'd be a fucking mess without you
i'd never eat my dinner and i'd never go to sleep
i'd never write you letters and i'd still be eating cheese

i'd be a fucking mess without you
cause you make everything a little easier
please don't go to your show tonight
just stay home with me and hold me till i feel alright
cause theres a child in my heart who still needs a lot of love
and someone to put a bandaid on his finger when there's blood
just promise you'll look after him and don't let him get too thin
this child in my soul has a bad habit to sin

i'd be a fucking mess without you
i think i would've turned out different
but thank god I turned out like this
thank god I turned out like this
Track Name: home
i've been seeing all that i've
ever done in my life and i know
i could've done better had i
not been caught up in a lie all along

just let me come home to you
and take off my shoes
and lay in our bed
bearing the news
that i miss you when i
let you out of my sight
cause i can never find
anything worth my time
only you've heard it all
before we started this war
i know it's cliche
but i just can't go another day with you
i just can't go another day without you